January 15, 2014

Comedy Hour

Guy Stauber
"The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep."
Woody Allen
C.F. Payne
"Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!"
David Johnson
Oliver (Oliver Hardy): Why didn't you tell me it was you?
Stan (Stan Laurel): It was so dark, I didn't think you would hear me.
Orlando Arocena
Movie acting suits me because I only need to be good for ninety seconds at a time.
- Bill Murray
James Bennett
Normal is nothing more than a cycle on a washing machine.
Whoopi Goldberg
Kinuko Y. Craft
"I can see he's not in your good books,' said the messenger.
'No, and if he were I would burn my library."
William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing
Dongyun Lee
"Flowers are the fastest way to a woman's heart. Well, actually, the fastest way is through her rib cage, but flowers are a lot less messy."
- Eddie Murphy
Niklas Asker
"I'm really really not hungry so I guess just order me a short stack of pancakes and some turkey bacon, but I guess if they don't have turkey bacon get me regular bacon. And a milkshake."
- Hannah (Lena Dunham), Girls
Gary Kelley
"Look, let me explain something to you. I'm not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or His Dudeness … Duder … or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing."
The Dude, The Big Lebowski
Bill Sanderson
Punch and Judy, 1662-
Chris Gall
"My life is just a series of embarrassing incidents strung together by telling people about those embarrassing incidents."
- Russell Brand
Sam Spratt
"I don’t stop eating when I’m full. The meal isn’t over when I’m full. It’s over when I hate myself."
Louis C.K.
Michal Dziekan
"There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt."
Erma Bombeck
Ricardo Martinez
"My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. "
Walter Mathau
Jason Seiler
"Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'"
Conan O' Brien
Ted Wright
"A day without laughter is a day wasted. "
Charlie Chaplin
Tim Bower
"I pretty much operate on adrenaline and ignorance."
Johnny Knoxville
Mark Summers
"Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special."
Chris Rock

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